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OK, you're not really, but you think you are! The bottom line is if you don't love what you see in the mirror no one else will. Some wait for others to validate their attractiveness.


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We must be the ones that love ourselves, in our bodies as they are. When you believe you're attractive you stop needing approval from others. We get it, you're fierce. But your lack of eye contact, standoffish demeanor, and chilly responses are only reinforcing the titanium wall you've built around yourself. You've done a good job using witty quips to mask your distrust and disgust for guys that have hurt you in the past. It stops you from getting hurt again. Unfortunately, it also keeps everything else out, including people that are genuinely interested in getting to know you.

Loosen up a bit. You can still protect yourself and show your supreme fierceness without pushing away strangers that could potentially turn into more. No one likes going out alone. The thought of it is awkward and uncomfortable, especially when groups of guys are chatting and sipping cocktails while you're flipping through Facebook on your phone.

I Find Most Men Unattractive. What’s Wrong With Me?

What may feel like a solo trip to loser camp is actually an opportunity. Bars, lounges, and clubs are great times for groups of friends, but when you're busy chatting with buddies you aren't available to meet other single guys. I know boys who long for surgery. I know boys who have thrown up after meals.

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The amount of gay men with eating disorders has skyrocketed, and chemsex, the alarming phenomenon of gay men using hard drugs to facilitate prolonged partying and rampant sex, to me indicates something disturbing that even a tiny subculture of gay men need drugs to bolster their ability to be intimate. It is such a deep-rooted problem that there is no immediate solution to.

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Maybe considering that there might be a problem within our culture as gay men would be a step towards a solution in itself. You should also try to be kinder to yourselves and how you relate to your body, and kinder in how you perceive and react to the bodies and souls around you, and consider what it is about other gay men around you that incites your attraction, or repulsion, and what that shows you about yourself.

The Reasons You're Still Single If You're Gay

These are all infinitesimally small steps out of the mud, but would begin to improve the mental health and quality of life of our community. I personally hang around with all kinds of lovely creatives and weirdos and find the flourishing queer scene in Birmingham a fulfilling place to be.


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